DAMN. I feel like I've used this title before. I can't keep doing this shit. 

I titled something close to that when I had completely moved on from my child's father and then with him. I took some time to myself and then went right back to him and now here I am writing this title again!

He was like the male version of me. He was stubborn with a sharp tongue, yet endearing at the same time. He made no real effort at all, yet I fell - HARD- for him. 

I remember he used to tell me things like,” You can’t keep it real with yourself, so how can I expect you to be honest with me?” Naturally, I would get mad, but when I became less irrational and more open minded I realized that he was right. In an effort to protect myself, and my heart, I had pretended to be and slowly became someone that I really wasn’t. I wasn’t being real with myself because truthfully, loving him was the first time I had fully opened up to a human since the very first time I gave someone my heart. 

See, dealing with someone who had some of the same negative qualities that I had made me want to get MY ENTIRE LIFE together. While that was a big step for the better, I spent more time battling with myself and my feelings than actually trying to improve. That obviously became problematic since I just took out my frustration on him. Why couldn’t he just understand that I’ve been this way all of my life and that’s probably how I’m always going to be? If he actually cared about me that should be easy for him to do right?

WRONG! I’ve learned that while love does require a lot of understanding, it also thrives off of compromise. Compromising is a two way thing and it’s not fair to expect someone to accept something that they normally would not have. After all, after a relationship failed the only thing I would ever regret is the expectations I had and the things I had tolerated. 

I learned a lot of things in the time that I spent with him. Things about me, my spirituality, & the world. I’m still learning things daily, and it’s only because I’ve opened my mind up & accepted the fact that I’m not as perfect as I once thought I was. 

That was a hard pill to swallow.