I went out on a play date with an old friend of mine who tried to share some advice to me about how she had gotten over the nasty break up with her and her child’s father. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” I shared a chuckle with her at the ridiculous comment that she had just made, but after a few conversations with some other women I knew, I began to realize that without using her same words a lot of women felt the same way.

“It’s easier to not think of someone when you are busy thinking of someone else”

“I love flaunting my new man around because my old one gets jealous”

Those were just some of the comments that seemed to be repetitive amongst my friends, clients, and co-workers that it actually made me begin to wonder what we were doing to ourselves as women. Why is it that when the ‘perfect’ guy comes along we give all that we can until we are completely depleted and weak only to do it to the next ‘perfect’ that guy comes along to help us get over the first one? When do we take a moment to put ourselves on that pedestal that we deserve, and require these men to earn the love that we are so capable of giving?

I decided at that moment to challenge that nasty way of thinking, and instead I chose to use that opportunity to love the most important person on this earth besides my daughter – MYSELF! Because in reality how is it that we know when we have found the perfect man when we haven’t taken the time to reflect on exactly what we believe to be perfect?

I had learned so much about myself in the first few weeks that it astounded me, but it took me a full six months for me to figure out what I found to be the ‘perfect’ man. There were certain qualities that in order for any man to have the chance to have me as his woman he needed to posses, and if he didn’t have those than pursing anything with him would just be a waste.

If a man is not a protector, provider, or respectful, then I don’t want him and he is not the man for me. If the guy I’m seeing can’t handle an opinionated woman who is vocal with her thoughts then he needs to kick rocks! The main man in my life is God and if he can’t stand to be in second place then ‘don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split ya’! I’m very ambitious and I work hard for all that I have, so if I can’t learn from you, build with you, or grow with you then dealing with you is a waste of my precious time. Most importantly, if a man cannot get that I am a package deal then I don’t need to deal with him; it’s all or nothing, and I WILL NOT put the needs of any man before those of my child!

So today I’m challenging all of my YSFMAMAS to take a moment to really consider your situation. Is the man in your life helping to build you up to your full potential? Is the guy you are dealing with YOUR definition of perfect and nothing less? Have you given yourself a chance to reflect on what you need in a partner and how you deserve to be loved? If you answered no to any of those questions than it is time we start today. We cannot receive the love we deserve from anyone if we are not willing to love ourselves that way first. If you do not show yourself the upmost respect how will you be able to demand it from another human?

Moral of the Story: A wise man once told me that for every Adam there is an Eve. STOP trying to make every man be YOUR Adam, and instead allow yourself the chance to grow and learn. That way when he does finally walk into your life you WILL recognize it and be ready for him!