The Struggles of Being An Alpha Female?
One of my good friends tagged me in a really interesting article on Facebook titled, 'Dating Struggles of Being An Alpha Female.' If she would have tagged me in that article a year ago, I would have smiled and proudly paraded around with the idea that other people noticed those dominate qualities of myself. However, as the new woman I've fought so hard to become - I was actually insulted.
I know that sounds really weird coming from me. If you poke around a few old posts, then you'll see how much I used to love my Latina flare that meant I was feisty, meant business, and wasn't tolerating anyone's foolishness. Now, I can finally tell the truth about my attitude. All of those traits that qualified me to be an alpha female weren't really me. In fact, most of it was just a show. I worked so hard to show people on the outside how strong and tough I am when I'm honestly one of the most sensitive people you'll probably ever meet.
Oddly enough the post she meant to uplift me actually ended up having the opposite affect. Why? Well, everything that Will and I would argue about stemmed from those awful traits that other people seemed to find glory in.
"You're just so stubborn," his voice rang out in my mind as I read through the article. "Why be with me then if you are just going to act like you don't need me at all?"
When he was saying that I only heard a man trying to change me. Now that I can see things for what they really are, I can admit that for him it was much more than that.
He would offer his advice or opinion and it would immediately be greeted with an, "I know what I'm doing." He would try to get me to open up and be more vulnerable with him, and instead he would find himself face-to-face with a woman who gave excuses as to why I wasn't fazed with a cliché kind of love or romance. He would often mention how the only fight I seemed to put into our relationship was just me trying to push him out of it.
Now, my faithful readers know me. I won't hesitate to tell a single soul, "You can love me or leave me alone." Knowing this about me, how do you think I responded to his obvious attempts to get me to open up. If you guessed that I pushed him away by refusing to compromise - then you guessed correctly!
Anyway, I can no longer say that I want it all and not do everything I can to make it happen. While qualities of an Alpha female help me stay in control in my workplace and business, it has no business in my relationship. If I'm going to be with someone and strive to be the man in the situation, then I might as well be by myself.
It's so much easier to use the excuses outlined in that article to blame my failed relationships on my past partners, but that's not the truth.
I'm not a wild animal. I need a man and not a zoo keeper. I don't need anyone to help tame me. I don't need anyone to simply tolerate me. Because honestly, once you get past that annoying façade I put up to keep others out, there is an amazing, loving woman deep down inside.
Moral of the Story: It's probably one of my favorite quotes but it's so true: If nothing changes then nothing changes. I can't keep saying that I'm tired of starting over if I'm not willing to do anything to change it. Today is going to be the day that I stop carrying past bricks to build a new home. I can't keep bringing these past pains, and ugly traits into a relationship and expecting anything better than what I've already been given in the past. I can't say that I believe in God (and His word), but I'm leaning on to my own understanding by being the exact opposite of what He created me to be.
When the creator designed the man's helpmate, he didn't put anything in there about us being difficult to handle, taking the lead, or disrespectful in the way we treat them, so I need to stop doing it - NOW.
0 comments:
Post a Comment