“My man admitted to me one night that he believes I deserve better than him. (We’ve been together 3 years). I tolerated all kind of crap from him and then he says that. What does that mean? What should I do? If he knows better than why won’t he do better? Help!"

HONEY! I’ve been there, done that, and I even wrote a book about it. I know exactly how frustrating it is to give your all to someone only for it to not be reciprocated. That situation really had me questioning myself and everything I had ever stood for or believed in. It’s so devastating to reach a point where you only have two choices: keep going and possibly risk wasting more of your time or walk away and completely give up.

When he said that to me, the hopeless romantic thought of how beautiful our relationship would be once he put forth the same effort I was. I woke up from that fantasy world real quick.

Now since my experience wasn’t a positive one, I didn’t want to answer that question myself and sound like that bitter and angry single woman so I reached out to a couple male friends for their opinions.

“When a man says that most of the time he means that he know the problem is with him and not you. If he shows no sign of improving after you keep running back giving it another chance, then he knows that will defuse whatever situation ya’ll are in and make himself the victim.”

While I was appreciative of the answer, it didn’t leave me with enough hope to answer the question. To help me do that, I figured I would reach out to the man that has made H.O.P.E his mission.

“My response: I myself have spoken something similar. I think he is trying to say that yes he indeed loves her but also knows that he isn't doing right by her. He told her that to see her reaction hoping that she would console him some way and make the situation for him easier. As men (accountable men) we will make mistakes but also shed light on our mistakes because we seek change. In this case it's best for her to sit down with him and have a TRUE heart to heart to see if what they have is still worth the problems that arise. He may can change and may not. There is hope in this though because his conscious has set in and showing face. He doesn't want to continue to hurt her but also doesn't want her to leave. So he will try but it's not certain how much at this point. Because it could also be a ploy... 

Hope that helps - @theehopedealer”

So there you have it. Now that you’ve had a panel of people leave you more confused than you were a few moments ago what should you do now? Trust your intuition. All of the answers you need are already inside of you. Just believe it.  

I only want to leave you with this: Respect is earned and not given, and you can’t expect respect in a place where it’s not required.

Love ya’ll xoxo

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