If you’ve read my poetry book, The Chronicles of a Love Addict – A Collection of Poems from a Love Junkie, then you would agree that *he* is the source of my insanity while helping me to remain sane.

                It’s like a never ending cycle with him. It’s an endless rollercoaster. In the beginning the ride was fun and exciting, so much so that I never wanted it to end. Then I grew tired of the change in pace, the peaks that would have me dangling at the edge of my seat just to quickly drop me back to square one making me sick only to do it all over again.

I’m over that, but I’m just not over him.                      

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be. After all, we only get one soul mate and everyone else are just play mates right? What if he is my one shot of real love and my craziness contributes to our madness. Nah, there is no way the problem is me. (Hey I’ve done a lot of growing and maturing; I’ll take responsibility for my part one day, but it’s easier to believe all of our problems are because of him. #DontJudgeMe lol)

                This twisted peace I find in our confusion is mind blowing. How do I manage to find comfort in the instability that is our relationship?

I want to let him go.

I need to let him go, but every part of me craves him: especially my heart and soul. Because before him, I could only tell you that a broken heart hurts. Now I can explain that loud thunderous boom that one hears when their heart hits the floor from being destroyed by the one person that was entrusted with its safety. Before him I could only say how being with that special someone was lovely, but now I know that it’s far deeper than that. It’s how everything around me literally comes to a standstill as I’m hypnotized by his enticing smile or how his infectious laugh reigns through my mind even when he’s not around, immediately bringing a smile to my face like no one else can place there. Yes, it’s way deeper than the simple sentences and adjectives that I used before him. He turned that simplicity that was my ABC poems into intricate story plots, song lyrics, and in depth poetry books and performances. He stirred up things in me that I never knew existed.

I hate to admit it. He really is my drug, and as much as I don’t need him – I do.