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Tuesday, October 27, 2015

DAY 2 : 90 DAY TURN AROUND

So Day 1 was super easy (as it was intended to be). Today, we are going to kick it up a notch.
Now, because I wanted to set myself up for success, and honestly because I didn't feel like posting anything else over the weekend - I'm two days ahead of the rest of you. Trust me when I tell you that in between today and tomorrow, you're going to find out A LOT about yourself.
The bible reminds us that, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7 KJV).
We will never be successful in renewing our minds if we continue to hold on to some of these old things that we've been carrying around with us for so long. Over time, carrying past pains, resentments, frustrations, and negative thinking, are exactly why we behave the way that we do. Therefore, the only way we will ever step into the woman we were created to be is to renew our mind. We will only be able to do that by controlling our thoughts.

Day 2
Today's challenge is simple. Guard your thoughts with diligence. This is something that is going to be crucial for us to be successful in completing this challenge. 
Every time you have a negative thought, STOP, and do 5 squats. If you start thinking about anything that is going to take you off course from the woman you were created to be, we're going to redirect that energy into something positive (something that's going to get us summer time fine like Beyonce honey!)
If that negative thought starts with: I can't, I won't, or I hate, than add 5 more for a total of 10 squats. 
Remember, throughout this process we are just adding on to whatever we did the day before. You should still pay attention to what you wrote down, and while you're doing your squats turn your attention back to those things. 

Good luck ladies. You're amazing, and you are a conqueror! You betta act like you know who you are!

Monday, October 26, 2015

Day 1 : 90 Day Turn Around

After yet another breakup, it's obvious it's time for a serious change. While most would resort to "wearing less and going out more," I want more for myself this time around.
A wise man once told me that we don't chose our future, we choose our habits and our habits determine our future. The only way to success is to change at least one thing we do every single day. That's exactly what I'm going to do.
With the help of God and my bible, I plan to change from my old way of thinking into the woman I was created to be.
You see, I no longer wanted to be recognized as an alpha female anymore. Instead of being known as that feisty woman with a dangerous talk game, I want to possess more power in my silence. Instead of being known as that carefree wandering spirit, I want to be more disciplined and structured. It's easy to just do whatever we want to do. What's hard is doing what we actually need to do.  I want to switch those two roles around.
Speaking of roles, I no longer care to be where I am today. After the last relationship that I was in, I can finally say that I really do want to get married and have more babies. I want that relationship like my grandparents had instead of just killing time with another man with commitment issues like myself. I want to one day be a wife, and I can't expect the position if I'm not currently willing to play the part.
With all of that said, I'm getting ready to venture into the woman I was supposed to be all along. Now that I've had a chance to read (and study) the bible for myself, I realize that I no longer want to deal with these traits that our creator didn't create me to have.
I'm not supposed to be as fearful and nervous as I am with my business or anything having to do with my career. The only fear I'm supposed to have, is that of the LORD.
I'm not supposed to be unforgiving, unmerciful, and as unloving as I've been up until recently, so I want it to change that. I want to be able to trust, love, and forgive other people. Most importantly, I want to be able to do it with myself first.

Day 1: Set a Goal

It's simple. Since we are after finishing the race and not just running it, we have to make sure to plan for success.
The bible says "Write the vision, and make it plan upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. (Habakkuk 2:2-3 KJV)
Today, set a goal for yourself. Don't just blindly walk through these next 90 days without knowing what you're really working towards. Have faith in the all mighty God that we serve so that you feel bold and confident enough to really stretch yourself out of your comfort zone.
 For me, I want to be a virtuous woman who is working towards marriage with him, so I can build the home life I want my daughter to one day have. I want to be fearless with my business and charity, and I plan to be much healthier while doing it. 
In a nutshell, I want to renew my mind and act on the things I believe in now. 
If you're like me you're probably thinking, "That's it?" Yes it is. I don't want to overload you (or myself) with a bunch of unrealistic things. I want every woman who starts this to finish it. So the only thing you need to worry about today is 
  • Setting the goals you wish to accomplish within the next 90 days
  • Write them down and put them in places where you'll see them throughout the day.
  • Really imagine yourself becoming the woman you're working towards
Day 1 is really that simple. Now go get it done!

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Because If Nothing Changes Than Nothing Changes

So ya'll know the grieving period during a break up is our time to still be able to go back and look at those old memories, but something about a picture I found in my phone brought everything back again.
My faithful readers know that Khloe has been harassing me for the longest time about having siblings soon, so naturally she was excited to see me in a new found relationship. Why? Because she knows that without a good man and a marriage her dreams will not be coming true ( at least on my end.)
Anyway, the two of them had developed such a beautiful relationship that she seems to be having a difficult time with the adjustment as I am. Every night before bed she prays for him, and she includes him in her morning prayers also. She'll even call every now and then just to check up on him to make sure he is doing ok. (While this is all super cute and everything, dealing with one broken heart is bad enough. I hate that it feels like I'm dealing with two now.)
If you've followed my blog then you'll quickly see that I have no problem telling a man, "You can love me or leave me alone." If you go back to old posts, you'll see my pride in how comfortable I am being alone. In fact, I even wrote a poem about it once.
 
Even though he's gone,
His presence is everywhere.
His scent is embedded in my nostrils,
And his laugh echos softy in my ears.
He's not here,
But oddly I feel his tender touch like he's near.
I miss him,
But I missed this woman of strength that I am more.
 
Loneliness is an addictive drug 
Because once you've tasted freedom, joy, and peace on your own
Nothing else will ever be sweeter. 

Sure I love my freedom. I love being able to do what I want, how I want, and when I want without having to hear any complaints or opinions from anyone else. I discovered when I made my post, The Struggles of Being An Alpha Female, that I've only been taking the easy way out all of this time. I no longer want my selfish behavior in relationships to affect the way my daughter will view love and relationships. I really plan to break the cycle on everything I've seen with her.
So, I'm starting a 90 challenge to change that. I no longer have any desire to be an Alpha Female. Instead I would rather be a virtuous woman who is confident and bold through Christ. I'm going to be documenting everything here, but if you're trying to make your own change with me in the next 90 days, make sure you subscribe to my newsletter and follow me on Snapchat (Username: Keaidyb). Also, follow me on Facebook to see things for yourself also.

Moral of the Story: Now that I know first hand that I actually want to be in a relationship, I'm going to strive to make sure that I never end up in this situation ever again. The only way I can do that is to completely work on me while worrying about God first. While I could just join the 10 day or 30 day virtuous woman challenges I've seen, I'm no longer after a quick fix. I want to let patience have her perfect work so that I can be whole, complete, and wanting nothing else but the promises God has created just for me.

Friday, October 23, 2015

The Struggles of Being An Alpha Female?

My friends know that I'm in my grieving period over my break up, so they've been going above and beyond to support me in anyway that they can.
One of my good friends tagged me in a really interesting article on Facebook titled, 'Dating Struggles of Being An Alpha Female.' If she would have tagged me in that article a year ago, I would have smiled and proudly paraded around with the idea that other people noticed those dominate qualities of myself. However, as the new woman I've fought so hard to become - I was actually insulted.
I know that sounds really weird coming from me. If you poke around a few old posts, then you'll see how much I used to love my Latina flare that meant I was feisty, meant business, and wasn't tolerating anyone's foolishness. Now, I can finally tell the truth about my attitude. All of those traits that qualified me to be an alpha female weren't really me. In fact, most of it was just a show. I worked so hard to show people on the outside how strong and tough I am when I'm honestly one of the most sensitive people you'll probably ever meet.
Oddly enough the post she meant to uplift me actually ended up having the opposite affect. Why? Well, everything that Will and I would argue about stemmed from those awful traits that other people seemed to find glory in.
"You're just so stubborn," his voice rang out in my mind as I read through the article. "Why be with me then if you are just going to act like you don't need me at all?"
When he was saying that I only heard a man trying to change me. Now that I can see things for what they really are, I can admit that for him it was much more than that.
He would offer his advice or opinion and it would immediately be greeted with an, "I know what I'm doing." He would try to get me to open up and be more vulnerable with him, and instead he would find himself face-to-face with a woman who gave excuses as to why I wasn't fazed with a cliché kind of love or romance. He would often mention how the only fight I seemed to put into our relationship was just me trying to push him out of it.
Now, my faithful readers know me. I won't hesitate to tell a single soul, "You can love me or leave me alone." Knowing this about me, how do you think I responded to his obvious attempts to get me to open up. If you guessed that I pushed him away by refusing to compromise - then you guessed correctly!
Anyway, I can no longer say that I want it all and not do everything I can to make it happen. While qualities of an Alpha female help me stay in control in my workplace and business, it has no business in my relationship. If I'm going to be with someone and strive to be the man in the situation, then I might as well be by myself.
It's so much easier to use the excuses outlined in that article to blame my failed relationships on my past partners, but that's not the truth.
I'm not a wild animal. I need a man and not a zoo keeper. I don't need anyone to help tame me. I don't need anyone to simply tolerate me. Because honestly, once you get past that annoying façade I put up to keep others out, there is an amazing, loving woman deep down inside.

Moral of the Story: It's probably one of my favorite quotes but it's so true: If nothing changes then nothing changes. I can't keep saying that I'm tired of starting over if I'm not willing to do anything to change it. Today is going to be the day that I stop carrying past bricks to build a new home. I can't keep bringing these past pains, and ugly traits into a relationship and expecting anything better than what I've already been given in the past. I can't say that I believe in God (and His word), but I'm leaning on to my own understanding by being the exact opposite of what He created me to be.
When the creator designed the man's helpmate, he didn't put anything in there about us being difficult to handle, taking the lead, or disrespectful in the way we treat them, so I need to stop doing it - NOW.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Moving Foward

Is it me, or were break ups so much easier ten years ago? Sure my "love me or leave me alone," game was super strong so it made everything easy, but give me a break!
Back then all you had to do was stop answering their phone calls. Now you have to unfriend, unfollow, and untag them from everything. (Those aren't real words BTW, but I need ya'll to see where I'm going with all of this.)
It's bad enough that you're dealing with the pain from the heartbreak and failed relationship, but the constant reminder of certain things is like a slap in the face.
To make matters worst, even after you've done all of that you still have 2 million mutual friends, so escaping them entirely feels impossible unless you fall of the face of the world wide web. UGH!
Well, I'm now getting the opportunity to live out the advice that I give that seems to work for everyone else. According to the e-mails I get from some of you, my advice is like gold. Even though it seems worthless to me at times since I don't take it myself *shrugs shoulders*.
Welp....that's about to change. I started by getting my support system (my readers *smooches*, my sister, a few friends from my church, and Khloe).
Next, I need to establish the deadline for my grieving period. (Geez this is harder than I remember. Honestly, how do you establish an official day to move on from someone you still love?) Either way, I'm going to give myself 60 days. That might seem like a long grieving period to most, but I want to be realistic.
During this time, I'm going to discover all of the things I forgot I loved. I'll go on random dates with my friends, play a few pick up games of basketball, and check out some new movies. I'll shop until I hate it, and I'll write like there is no tomorrow. I'll rediscover what I need in a partner, and spend quality time with my friends who probably missed me anyway. Pray for me!

Moral of the Story: Nothing in life happens that God didn't allow. I'm going to learn to find joy in my tribulations (James 1:2-3) since He is the strongest when I'm the weakest (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Wednesday, October 07, 2015

Moment of Honesty...

My biggest fear with dating: wasting my time.
So do you want to know what I do as a result of that? I waste time worrying about how I don't want to waste time.
Don't believe me? Look at my track record.
I've been engaged twice. Once to a man I thought I was actually going to marry. Despite the decision I made at 8 years old that I never - ever - wanted to get married, I had agreed to do it with a man I thought I could spend forever with. Well, that was until I realized he not only saw himself with me but with any other woman who would give him the time of day. So I called it all off, and made the decision to start over. He, on the other hand, went on to marry one of the women he cheated on me with.
Then, I met this man. (Don't ask me his name because I honestly don't remember it.) He was fine, had a fancy car, a nice job, and wanted me to be his wife - after only one month of dating. I said yes. I did it not because I wanted to marry him, but I did it because I wanted the feeling that I felt I was cheated out of. Thank God he was so understanding when I explained to him that it wasn't going to work out. Luckily for him, he went on to get married to a beautiful woman and they had a few kids together.
After that, I dated here and there until I met Khloe's father. Although we knew within the first 2 years that we weren't compatible, we still tried for several years after having her. After over half of a decade together, things were getting worst with no sights of things ever changing, so I started over - again.
This time, I gave myself some time to heal. I dated with no intention of it ever going any further than just casual conversations and drinks. Then after several months of that, I decided to give love a try again.
Then, I met him.
He was my muse, my best friend, and partner in crime. He inspired me and motivated me to step outside of my comfort zone. As a matter of fact, he was the first man who seriously invested anything in my future by buying the laptop I needed to start this blog and my books. He invested in my sanity by teaching me his mistakes so that I could be better than he was. He taught me the importance of responsibility, goal setting, and following through on the things that I started. I could never deny it - I loved that man. Although I knew this, my stubbornness and attitude would never allow me to face the reality. Why? Well because I was afraid that being that honest to myself and to him would just be a waste of time for me in the end. So we would break up, get back together, just to call it quits - again.
The roller coaster ride that was that relationship caused me to pen poems I didn't even know I was capable of writing. It was the inspiration behind my book The Chronicles of a Love Addict and so many other beautiful things came out of the most painful part of my life.
We didn't work out, and after that I was single for a while.
I gave myself a little time to heal.
I dated myself. I focused on my kid, and my business.
I found pleasure in serial dating again. I enjoyed the fruit of all of my hard work, and than I met him. (For my faithful readers: no not that him - that him is so over - finally. I met someone else who caused me to break the rules I said I never would have done.)
He was everything that I had dreamed of. Lord knows how I love my men, and he was exactly that. Yet here I am, again.
I'm here at this crossroad that I can do one of two things.
I can keep on trucking forward on this same merry-go-round that I've been stuck in since the first time my heart was broken by a man I trusted.
Or, I can learn to trust again by completely putting everything I have in my relationship with God.
In a sincere moment of honesty - even with myself, finally - I never give myself a real chance to just feel what I'm feeling. Pain hurts. Loneliness can be overwhelming (especially at night), and being at this place again is never easy. In the past, I'll drown myself out of my problems by focusing on everyone else's. This will be the time when I go back to answering my reader questions so I don't have to be vulnerable enough to say what I really think or feel. Sorry to those of you who were waiting on me to finally respond to those questions, but I think that part of me is done.
Judging from the responses from questions I did answer, I'm great at helping others through what they're going through. I need to finally be that way for myself. How can my advice work for everyone else but me? Well, it's because I know what needs to be done, sometimes I honestly don't have the faith to follow through with it. I need to stop doing that today. Actually, let me rephrase that - it stops today!
I still love him, and despite what I said in previous posts - I wasn't as ready as I thought I was. I know God is seriously moving in my life when I can hit that immediate point of recognizing where I went wrong. I know His presence is obvious when I can miss the part of being petty/mean, and hop right over to the feelings that I'm really feeling...I miss him.
So, this time I'm starting over - again - but focusing on who should have been the focus all along: God. I'm finally going to put my faith and trust in the source that it belongs in because whenever I put it solely on men I always find myself here - again. That merry-go-round of unsuccessful relationships for me stops today.
How can I say that so boldly? Well, it's because this time I have faith. I realize now that when my relationship is right with God, everything will fall in line according to His plan. It's not going to look how I would imagine, and for once I am perfectly OK with that. The bible says that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above whatever we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20), and I finally want whatever he has for me. I'm tired of doing things my way because they always leave me here - again.
From now on, I'm going to stop hiding my testimony behind trying to fix other people's problems. It's because of your questions that I'm reminded that we all go through similar pains and problems, but there is only one source for the answer: God & His word.
If the just shall live by faith, then I'm really doing that today. I'm no longer wasting time just wasting time. This time around, I'm actually going to start planting seeds of what I want in faith, and I'm no longer going to just start over again when a little doubt creeps in.

Moral of the Story: Someone once told me that once you choose to have faith - anything becomes possible. Thanks to Hebrews 11:1 we know that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
I'm no longer living for the things that I can see, touch, smell, feel, or hear. Greater things are coming in my life, but they will only come if I'm ready and have the faith to receive them.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

So You Want To Be An Author - 7 Steps To Make That A Reality TODAY!

A lot of you have been asking me about advice on how to turn those crazy ideas of yours into a tangible book that you can sell to others.
I'm overwhelmed with joy that so many of you are so interested in sharing your testimony with others! Trust me, I know first hand that holding on to a story ready to escape is enough to drive anyone crazy.
In an effort to help get you all started, I have a FREE eBook to help turn your dream into a reality TODAY.
So You Want To Be An Author? 7 Steps To Make That A Reality TODAY is a 7 page manual with short simple steps to get you writing today!
Along with your FREE copy, you'll also receive one free e-mail a week encouraging you to keep on pushing! Being an author is not an easy task and isn't for the faint of heart, but I know that you all can do it.
With anything else, all it takes is a little bit of discipline and hard work. If you pair that with a plan you can stick with, you'll be a book author in no time!
Stop creating excuses, and let's create a book - TODAY

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR COPY NOW! 
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